God I'm so confused, I'm really starting to fall in love with Andrew but..it's so messy. I'm just hurt that I don't think I can be all that he wants me to be. To be 100% accepting and to listen without judging and to be willing to not give advice and show my real self. God, dang..this is hard. This isn't easy. I'm just not sure I'm ready for this. I mean, I'm frustrated that I don't know how to do all these things. I know that he is tired today and frustrated with his life situation. Please Jesus, I ask that you would give him clarity and increase his trust. Bring him peace and closure in these times and help him to really be able to be vulnerable. Oh God, thank you for the man that you have made him to be, I pray that you would continue to work in his life and transform him and give him your passion for the lost and your passion in loving others without judging them. Thank you that you have placed him in my life, I ask that you would help me with this jealousy thing. I am so extremely jealous of Ashley that I can't even stand it. It hurts even more because she looks like everything that I would ever have wanted to look like. God...also she is much better about identifying and conveying non-judgmental thoughts to him. Maybe someone like that is better for him because I just don't know if I could ever be that person. Please help me. Jesus I am hurting so much right now and I just don't know what else to do. I just need....you, God. I need you. I feel like Dru isn't a super stable person in my life, but that is only bc I am mad at him right now for placing these expectations that I feel like I could never fufill. I read some of the things that he wrote with Ashley and she is just so good at expressing her thoughts and conveying acceptance. I just wish I could do that. but Lord...you know who I am and what I'm like and you like me exactly as I am. Please just give me your help as I'm faced with a multitude of these thoughts. I would rather just retreat than to stick it out and be rejected. It hurts so much to show vulnerabiltiy and then have it stuck back in your face. Please help me. I'm learning but it feels like I'm learning too slow. I just don't know what to do...I'm hurting...