vent.

God!!!!!! HELP ME. I'm so tired of myself and how I keep screwing up. I want to love myself but I don't. I hate me! God, why am I so fat? Why am I stuck here on facebook when I could be spending time with you. Why do I envy the girls who are flirty and get attention and are skinny? I'm so tired of this. I want to just stick to eating healthy yet.....I feel like I can't. I got to do almost everything on my list today yet I am not satisfied. It's just not enough. I want to be loved. I want to make a difference. I feel so trapped in myself. Help me Jesus for you know that I can't do this by myself. I just sent the website to Mark and he said it's great but he wants another one...totally different. AHH!!! Does he know that it took up my evening and it takes time!!! Arg. Jesus, help me to love people and to give them grace. My head hurts and I want to have somebody to love. I want to be loved. I want to be beautiful. Why isn't the tanning, eating and running working?? I think it's bc I eat too much and gorge myself. I feel so shameful. I want to be happy on the inside like I am on the outside. You made me. Help me to see past all these lies. They are haunting me. I feel so hurt. GOD help me. I'm going to go to sleep now.