What I've been learning....

Excerpts from “Hind’s Feet on High Places”

She began to understand quite clearly that truth cannot be understood from books alone or by any written words, but only by personal growth and development in understanding, and that things written even in the Book of Books can be astonishingly misunderstood while one still lives on the low levels of spiritual experience and on the wrong side of the grave on the mountains.

What she learned...

1.First, I learned that I must accept with joy all that you allowed to happen to me on the way and everything to which the path led me! That I was never to try to evade it but to accept it and lay down my own will on the altar and say, “Behold me, I am thy little handmaiden Acceptance with Joy.

2.Then I learned that I must bear all that others were allowed to do against me and to forgive with no trace of bitterness and to say to thee “Behold me I am thy little handmaiden Bearing with Love that I may receive power to bring good out to this evil


3.Thirdly I learned that you, my L, never regarded me as I actually was, Lame and weak and crooked and cowardly. YOU SAW ME as I would be when you had done what you promised and had brought me to the High Places, when it could be truly said “there is none that walks with such a queenly ease, no such grace as she” You always treated me with the same love and graciousness as though I were a queen already and not wretched little Much Afraid. I want So much to regard others in the same way! A very lovely smile broke out on his face at that, but he said nothing only nodded for the third time and waited for her to continue.

4.The fourth thing (she said with a radiant face) was really the first I learned up here. Every circumstance in life, no matter how crooked and distorted and ugly appears to be, if it is reacted to in love and forgiveness and obedience to your will can be transformed.


5.Therefore I began to think, my L, you purposely allow us to be brought into contact with the bad and evil things that you want changed. Perhaps that is the VERY reason why were are here in this world, where sin and sorrow and suffering and evil abound, so that we may let you teach us so to react to them, that out of them we can create lovely qualities to live forever. That is the only really satisfactory way of dealing with evil, not simply binding it so it cannot work harm, but whenever possible overcoming it with good.

At last He spoke, “You have learned well, Grace and Glory. Now I will add one thing more. It was these lessons which you have learned which enabled me to change you from limping crippled Much Afraid into Grace and Glory with the hinds’ feet. Now you are able to run, leaping on the mountains and able to follow me wherever I go, so that we need never be parted again. So remember this; as long as you are willing to be Acceptance with Joy and Bearing in Love you can never again become crippled and you will be able to go wherever I lead you. You will be able to go down into the Valley of the world to work with me there, for that is where the evil and sorrowful and ugly things are which need to be overcome.
Accept and bear and obey the Law of Love and nothing will be able to cripple your hind’s feet or to separate you from me. This is the secret of the High Places, Grace-and-Glory, it is the lovely and perfect law of the whole universe. It is this that makes the radiant joy of the Heavenly Places then he rose to his feet, drew her up beside Him and said “Now use your hinds’ feet again for I am going to lead you to another part of the mountain.”


Set me as a seal upon Thine heart
Thou Love more strong than death
That I may feel through every part
Thy burning, fiery breath
And then like wax held in the flame
May take the imprint of thy Name
Set me a seal upon Thine arm,
Thou Love that bursts the grave
Thy coals of fire can never harm,
But only purge and save.
Thou jealous Love, thou burning Flame,
Oh burn out all unlike thy Name
The floods can NEVER drown thy Love,
Nor weaken thy desire,
The rains may deluge from above
But never quench thy fire
Make soft my heart in thy strong flame,
To take the imprint of thy Name

I've become bitter and enraptured by this world.

I long to be free.

Perhaps Fairy Tales are even more true than "Real Life". I've just stopped believing in them to face "reality".


I'm tired.

I want to hope again.

True bravery exists. and I do have a Prince on a White Horse who is coming for me. I long to be swept off my feet.

Jesus, take me back to my first Love.

Cleanse my heart from this unholiness, these idols...these lies which have consumed me.

NO longer. I want to Hope again in your unfailing love


Have no anxiety in anything but in everything by prayer and petition let your requests be made known unto God, and the peace of God which passes all understanding shall guard your hearts in Christ Jesus.

Take every thought captive...

we have the Mind of Christ

He is FOR us.

I will Trust. He is GOOD. He is working everything for my favor

I will not hide to prevent another's insecurity. I will be FULLY me. NO masks. Shining. Who am I not to be brilliant, talented and fabulous?


Renew me Lord. I know I will be misuderstood, but take me deeper into your Love. I long to be Loved and to Love. Fill my heart.


Fill my mind with the things that uplift and encourage. Fairy tales. Real Reality

God I'm so confused, I'm really starting to fall in love with Andrew but..it's so messy. I'm just hurt that I don't think I can be all that he wants me to be. To be 100% accepting and to listen without judging and to be willing to not give advice and show my real self. God, dang..this is hard. This isn't easy. I'm just not sure I'm ready for this. I mean, I'm frustrated that I don't know how to do all these things. I know that he is tired today and frustrated with his life situation. Please Jesus, I ask that you would give him clarity and increase his trust. Bring him peace and closure in these times and help him to really be able to be vulnerable. Oh God, thank you for the man that you have made him to be, I pray that you would continue to work in his life and transform him and give him your passion for the lost and your passion in loving others without judging them. Thank you that you have placed him in my life, I ask that you would help me with this jealousy thing. I am so extremely jealous of Ashley that I can't even stand it. It hurts even more because she looks like everything that I would ever have wanted to look like. God...also she is much better about identifying and conveying non-judgmental thoughts to him. Maybe someone like that is better for him because I just don't know if I could ever be that person. Please help me. Jesus I am hurting so much right now and I just don't know what else to do. I just need....you, God. I need you. I feel like Dru isn't a super stable person in my life, but that is only bc I am mad at him right now for placing these expectations that I feel like I could never fufill. I read some of the things that he wrote with Ashley and she is just so good at expressing her thoughts and conveying acceptance. I just wish I could do that. but Lord...you know who I am and what I'm like and you like me exactly as I am. Please just give me your help as I'm faced with a multitude of these thoughts. I would rather just retreat than to stick it out and be rejected. It hurts so much to show vulnerabiltiy and then have it stuck back in your face. Please help me. I'm learning but it feels like I'm learning too slow. I just don't know what to do...I'm hurting...

Jesus, I don't know what I'm feeling. I just know that I'm really starting to like Dru. The more I get to know him the more I see you in him and how much I would love to grow with him. I really enjoy his humor, his perspective on life, the deep conversations, his wittiness, his friends, his ability to include others, his outgoing nature, how people are drawn to him, how he loves despite rejection, his drive to give grace, how he is incredibly encouraging, his ability to listen, his advice, his compassion, the amazing dynamic of being a strong man yet very sensitive and love the beauty of words. How he loves writing, and how he emails/messages back right away. How he analyzes people the same way I do and wants to talk about it. His ability to listen and ability to hold captivating conversation...he really is smart.

ugh. Lord I feel so gross. Yesterday Dru talked about the girl from WOW, Shea liking him and then talking to Ashley on the way to pick up Deerock. Lord I know that I shouldn't be jealous but God I definitely am. I feel stupid for liking him when he will probably just find someone else while I'm in China. I mean, I don't talk to him for a couple days and he calls his ex. He said he was sad bc she likes someone else and I can understand that but it still doesn't make this any easier. I am insecure bc she is SO pretty and I've always been jealous of her. God it doesn't make this easy AT all. I feel fat and just one of the many girls that he has chosen to occupy his time. I don't feel special. Lord I'm the only blond that he has been attracted to and I don't know what I think about that. I'm just really insecure and I've been thinking about it all morning. talking to him on the phone didn't help bc he was tired and not very good about making conversation and I am very very UGH!!! Right now. Oh God. This hurts and it hurts also bc I feel like you are telling me that you told me so.....I know this isn't true, but this could definitely be a sign of what to be warned of. He is such an outgoing guy and he will find someone that will really be better for him than I would. God I just feel like I don't have enough in common with him and that I can't talk to him about deep spiritual things that you are teaching me without really trying to bring them up. Lord I want him to bring them up!!! I just don't know. I'm really sad and I've been thinking about it all morning and making myself sick. I ate a bunch of icecream and now I feel fat. I did do alot of data entry for China and that was good...thank you for that. I need to go to the doctor's office and then to the notary. Lord help me to be secure in YOUR love for me. You are a faithful husband who will never leave me or forsake me. Lord I'm not even dating Dru and I'm enforcing these rules that he can't talk to his ex. That's not fair to him. He wouldn't mind if I talked to Chuck or Jeremy. I know this. I just am so hurt bc I think that he might talk to her ALL the time and that they might have more in common and that he still isn't over her. Lord it hurts to be a "filler" and I kind of feel that way. Please help me. I am really hurting and I would love to be focusing on you. Please help me to love and to give. I really need you. I need to give this up to you more than I can even imagine. Please help me to get my China stuff sent out today. I really need your help. I am desperately seeking love and I feel SO LONELY. I feel like no one can truly see me, deep inside. I need you and your affirmation about who I am in you God. Please help me to see past the lies that Satan is throwing up in my face. I am YOURS GOD. I AM LOVED. I AM CHERISHED. I AM CHOSEN. I AM YOUR DAUGHTER. YOUR PRECIOUS ONE. YOUR LILY. YOUR DARLING. I AM LOVED FOR WHO I AM...not what I do. I AM FORGIVEN. I AM BLESSED. I AM SAVED. Oh Jesus renew my heart with your grace. Your everlasting grace. I love you Jesus.

TRUTH.



When I start getting scared about going to China it's good to know that I can rely on Truth that will never ever change unlike my feelings. I'm so grateful for a God who is immutable and will stick with me through the good and bad times. I've been really scared and plagued with thoughts lately about being alone, being forgotten and being incapable. Now I know in my mind that these are lies, but dang....tell my heart that! I was crying my eyes out yesterday morning as I was being beat up with these fears. I'm so grateful for my friends who have comforted me in the midst of these insecurities and told me that it will be okay..even though they know I already "know" it. It's good to be reminded.

Jesus, thank you for Truth in the midst of these fears and struggles in my mind.


I will never be forsaken.

Deuteronomy 31:8

The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."



I will never be forgotten.

Isaiah 44:20-22

20 He feeds on ashes, a deluded heart misleads him;
he cannot save himself, or say,
"Is not this thing in my right hand a lie?"

21 "Remember these things, O Jacob,
for you are my servant, O Israel.
I have made you, you are my servant;
O Israel, I will not forget you.

22 I have swept away your offenses like a cloud,
your sins like the morning mist.
Return to me,
for I have redeemed you."


I will never be alone.
Joshua 1:5
No one will be able to stand up against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you.

Deuteronomy 31:6
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."

Hebrews 13:5
Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you."


I don't have to carry this burden for these people on my own.


Numbers 11:17 I will come down and speak with you there, and I will take of the Spirit that is on you and put the Spirit on them. They will help you carry the burden of the people so that you will not have to carry it alone.

Hebrews 7:25 Therefore he is able to save completely those who come to God through him, because he always lives to intercede for them.

Romans 8:26 In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express.



Thank you Jesus. You are always here.

NMW. No Matter What.

You ALWAYS pull through. Amazing.

Cya~Kristina~

Imagine.



Jesus looking down at a little girl and showing her the world: smiling, laughing, bright excitement, love, contentment, joy, fulfillment, safety, rest, truth, beauty, cherished...it brings out beauty. Beauty called out.




After I watch this video, I cry EVERY time. Not because it is well made. But because it reminds my heart about who is seeking me and how He longs to hold my affections.



The Lord reminded me...."You are loved, Kristina. don't for forget that I have a plan for you beyond this world, beyond this universe..beyond this place of life. I have called you higher to dwell with me in my heart where I live. Don't be afraid of the heights. You have always wanted to fly.

To fly you must be up high. A risk. A Risk."

I am so easily distractable. Whatever is going on at the moment I am drawn to and it takes my attention. But I've noticed that I am becoming numb. Numb to the things that used to prick my heart and numb to putting the Lord first. I run to everything else that provides temporary fulfillment. I can so feel what Paul is saying in Romans 7:15-18...

"What I don't understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise. So if I can't be trusted to figure out what is best for myself and then do it, it becomes obvious that God's command is necessary.

But I need something more! For if I know the law but still can't keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help! I realize that I don't have what it takes. I can will it, but I can't do it. I decide to do good, but I don't really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don't result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time."

How this passage echoes my heart's cry. I long to follow the Lord's commands yet I seem to fall short every time. I can give grace to others quite easily but with myself it is so difficult. I'd rather give excuses.

It's so incredible to me that the Lord is not surprised with my shortcomings. He didn't wake up today and realize that I am fallible. He knew it all along and He fights for me. He fights for my attention. He fights for my affections. He longs to capture my heart and be the first thing on my mind. How is this possible? I don't deserve such a love! Doesn't He know this?! Doesn't He know? I think it scares me that He not only knows that I don't deserve it, but He doesn't care.

He loves me anyway.

The me that no one that I don't allow others to see..He loves all of us this way. What a wonderful Savior! I don't have to be bogged down by guilt but I can be FREE to sing and laugh and play in His presence without fear of condemnation!! I am chosen! YOU are chosen! We can all sing together in Unity because we are messed up...BUT we are loved! He wants me to seek Him first and obey because He knows that that is what is ultimately best for me...and He loves me enough to love me in spite of how I treat Him.

What a beautiful paradox.