A dream is making a place in my heart. Dear Lord...you are truly amazing. Come and take up all of my tiny heart. I long, I crave your love.

Jesus place your love inside of me. These dreams....I can't contain them. They are too big for me. But not for you. You are beyond my limits. You can contain the deep things of my heart that I cannot understand. I just want to love you. I long to love you with the love that overflows and refills and isn't stingy. God I want to give you all of my heart, my emotions my will and not to compare myself with anyone else. Lord thank you that you made me exactly the way I am.

Thank you that you are rich in mercy and you loved me so very much that even when i was dead because of my sins you gave me life when you raised Christ from the dead. I am under your special favor. I long for your loving touch. I long to be held in your arms. God my heart is overflowing with a theme from my heart. I cannot contain the depths of my soul. They seem to leak out of the seams of my spirit. I want to know you. I want to know you. I want to know you! I long to know the one who woos me continually. I want to know this man. You Lord. Jesus, expand my heart. I want to feel what you feel and to give up my selfish ambitions and desires to fully embrace who you are. Fill me up to the top Lord!

Wow. So Ty wrote me back today!!! I was so scared if I prying or overstepping my bounds when I wrote him but he really seemed to appreciate the encouragement. I'm so glad. I really want to continue to support him when he is going through tough times and I'm so glad that you are talking to him through all of it. It's so good. Lord I just pray that you would continue to help me to let GO of the situation and just let you take care of him. Thank you that you are helping me to give this dream to you rather than taking ahold of it myself. I want to say what you say, go where you go and pray what you pray. Lord thank you that you aren't going to make my life miserable but you are here to help me complete it with your power. God thank you so much for this day ..church was SO good and it really spoke directly to what I was dealing with in my heart and letting go of that control and giving my dreams to you. Thank you for letting me talk to Chase and Emily and Matt afterwards. It felt really good to be part of a community...you are even helping me to have a better relationship with Christy who I was bitter at for SO long. Lord you are so good! Thank you for healing that part of my heart.

i love you daddy.

And I don't believe that who I am is something I can find
it's whatever I create with what I do with all my time
and who I choose to love with all my heart my strength and mind
and whether I believe that what I have is really mine.

and I want to live with wider eyes there's far too much to see
to think of nothing else but where I am and where I'll be
I've been longing for the freedom that is waiting silently
in the life that's just beyond the small perimeter of me.

Ellery~

hmm..

Lord jesus,

I'm holding onto you. I know that you will provide and you won't let me fall. It's scary to risk and to love with the fear of not being loved in return. Oh Jesus. Thank you that you love me with an everlasting love. Bless this night's sleep and I ask that you would protect it with your strength and your angels. Bless it and help me to really enjoy the rest you have given. Thank you for talia coming to church with me tomorrow and please help me to uplift her and just be a good big sister. Thank you for tonight and the unity you have brought. It's so encouraging and exciting. Lord please protect Joel's rest tonight and cause excitement and newness of life to well up within him. I pray that you would bless erica and forgive me for any feelings of resentment towards her since she brought pain/jealousy to carita. lord I trust and I rest in you. please fill her dreams with dreams of you and of your mercy. Thank you Jesus for who you made carita to be and how you've brought us back together as friends! that's so exciting. Lord help me to wake up with optimism to enjoy every moment rather than waiting for ty to email me back or see me at lunch. Sure, he's a cool guy but he doesn't fufill me like you do. I want to live my life sold out as a servant for you, Lord. Help me with my eating too, Lord. I'm kinda going overboard and I need you to just help me to eat moderately rather than all out. Thank you for helping me with that. I'm sorry and thank you for all of the blessings you have provided today. With cleaning and just joy and getting lunch for carita and dropping off mail and spending time with Hannah and going to Walmart. Lord you are so good to me. Seeing ty at dinner...he just seemed so down. God it hurts me to see him like that. Not only because I'm selfishly wanting him to be happy around me but also my heart hurts that he isn't experiencing joy. Lord fill him up with your contentment and peace and your rest. Thank you that you have given him peace beyond his ability to comprehend it. thank you that you are just working out the situations of his life that just seem impossible. Bless him with good night's rest and dreams that glorify you. You are such a good good God. Lord encourage his heart and help me to support him and really care about him as my friend. Lord thank you for all that you are doing with Carita, hannah's and my life. Teach me to be true to your calling. Thank you for allowing me to email ty tonight! It was so exciting to know that I could email him adn tell him what was on my heart about what he is dealing with. Help me to be a support to him and not just to email him for my own benefit. Thank you Jesus. You are such a good God. I trust in you. Grant me peace tonight because I still contain some anxiety. I bless you Jesus you are my all in all. I love you.

cya~Kristina~

a new day

Lord Jesus, I need you. Thank you so much for this morning. I feel really beautiful. Thank you for helping me to clean up my room and just clear some of those thoughts in my head. Lord continue to help with this journey I'm on with loving Ty. God, I want to follow you above anyone and I need you to help me to focus on serving you as your servant. Lord, you know every thought in my head and I just love that about you. Thanks for being so good to me in the prayer meeting last night. I really needed to talk to hannah and carita and it was really good to be able to relate to each other in that area. I want to give up control to you. I keep wondering why he didn't come but I know that he has good reasons. Lord thank you for aunt Cindy calling, it was so good to hear from her and that she might take off work and bring alexa up for my senior show. that's so exciting! Lord I'm so excited that my family and friends are going to attend. It makes me so glad and it almost makes all the work and pain worth it. haha. Please help me to keep that in perspective because I know that you are working out everything for my good. Lord Jesus, I'm broken. I can't do anything on my own and I need you to fill up this gaping void inside my soul. Even if Ty and I dated...it still wouldn't fill that hole. Lord help me to give him up to you. I want to support him with prayer and to intercede for him no matter if we get together or not. He is such an amazing guy and I want to love him like you do. Teach me how to love with the love that you give...even if it hurts, Lord. Thank you that you've made him. Thank you for the gentle spirit and the compassionate willing heart that you have given him. Thank you for making him a leader and giving him the balance of accepting and rejecting ideas with moderation. You are such a good God. Lord Jesus fill my heart. Thank you for letting me fall into your arms and just break down all the walls that I think that I am. Let me give up this image of myself that I want to portray and help me just to trust you to make me what you will. Lord I give up my future to you. No longer am I going to try to figure it all out. I trust that you will tell me when I need to move and what I need to do, day to day. I've been wondering if I should send out some of the marketing pkgs....but please confirm it and where to send them. Lord thank you that you have a divine business plan for me Lord Jesus. I want to follow you step by step rather than trying to figure it all out on my own. Calm my fears and let me rest in you. Thank you so much for your peace right now and the gentle music playing in the background. I don't want to give him up and even now I'm hoping that he will be in the student center when I go to put my mail in the slot or when I go to the art building. LORD!! I'm so tired of trying to manipulate my life. I want you to take control. Please help Hannah as she talks to Dilan and about the photo shoot. Teach me to pray and to help and support her. Lord not my will. Yours. I'm your servant and I know that I will only be fulfilled when I am following you. I want to be able to rejoice in the hardships and trials and know that I can be joyful in you. Lord thank you that you know all my thoughts and you still love me just the way I am. I want to be able to love you and to love ty like that. Open my mind to new horizons. I don't want an ordinary life. I want a life that is full of adventure and new beginnings and growth in you. Thank you so much that I am hungry and experiencing you and your grace in my life. Thank you so much for helping me with my eating and with all the thoughts of hatred towards myself. I want to give that all up to you. Lord, help Ahna even right now and help her to see the joy in your salvation and to be filled with your spirit today. Teach me to overflow with the power of your Holy Spirit. I'm so thankful that you hold onto me. Carry me dear Lord. Carry me. I love you.

Acts 2:25-28 (New International Version)

" 'I saw the Lord always before me.
Because he is at my right hand,
I will not be shaken.
26Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices;
my body also will live in hope,
27because you will not abandon me to the grave,
nor will you let your Holy One see decay.
28You have made known to me the paths of life;
you will fill me with joy in your presence.

Sooo....there's this guy....

Jesus....I'm so confused. Is this not your will for me? Am I settling for 2nd best? I think that Ty is amaaaaazing and I'm not sure how to react to the tumultuous feelings of different emotions. God I almost wish it was a simple yes or no so I don't have to try to judge him to say no. I'm absolutely crazy when I'm around him. He makes me so happy. The only thing I see that makes me say no is that I might move to China and he has one more year of school left. BUT GOD! He's so perfect. I would love to have some deep conversations with him and just pick his brain. He is also SO attractive. I'm not attracted to a lot of guys, but he is SO cute. I am in awe of his love for people and his love for you. He is also really smart and has a love for you. I feel like he really cares about what is going on in people's lives. Lord I really want to spend time with him, it's crazy. It made me sad that he didn't come to prayer tonight and chose to watch Lost instead. Do I really want a guy who would do that? Hmm...Well I guess I don't know the whole story but that wasn't cool. Lord, should I excuse that? But I really really really like him and I just wanted him to come. It was so good to talk and listen to him beforehand and you really do seem to put him in my path when I don't ask you to. Like at dinner tonight. I wished that I could go over to him in line and ask him a question but he came OVER TO OUR TABLE! Ahh...I love it. He's so smart and dang he looked really good in his tshirt tonight. I don't know how a relationship would work though...I mean we would be so far apart! ugh...i hate trying to plan things when they aren't controllable or plannable. God, teach me how to trust you in this situation. I pray that you would help me to wait on your perfect timing rather than trying to take control and create my own perfect situation. God help me to let him go if that is what is needed. I trust that if I let him go that we can become even better friends than if I held onto the hope of a relationship. Help me to focus on you and your truth rather than on him. Thank you that you are in control and that I can trust you. It was so good to hear from Jon and all that you are doing in his life and his relationship with Danielle. Lord I want to just live in the here and now and just let you take care of the rest. I can let you take care of me and I don't have to manipulate. help me with ALLLLL the HW