Lord, I need your help. I'm really confused by the setup of this lulu book. AHHH..please help me. I'm afraid I'm going to get it wrong. Also...my imovie is low quality..HOW can I change that? Can I save them all as Psd's like Kylee said? or what? and what am I going to put in this lulu book. UGh. Lord, I have so much to do and I feel I have wasted this past hour. I can't do this on my own. Also my website....I'm unsure about the photo size? How can i do that? ugh, I'm so tired of this. Lord please take my burdens and help me realize what to do. I can't do this on my own and I'm really not feeling competant in resizing files. Where are all my files and what files do I choose???!?!? AHHH....please help me. Lord also guide me in what I'm supposed to say to kcuhc and how I'm feeling about yt. Lord, I want to fix my eyes on you. Help me to do so rather than fixating on my own problems. Lord please bless Kylee and help her with her presentation. You are on her side and you can help her. Thank you for being so loving.

wow...thank you for helping me to realize that I need to do that Sikh powerpoint....thanks Jesus. =)

Lord, please help me. I want to experience your peace, yet I feel such discontentment. I don't want to get back together with him but I really do want someone now. God, I'm really tempted to accept this attention just bc it feels good, but I know what I need to do. (confront him) Jesus I want to get excited and joyful again. I am feeling so "less than" especially less than Jon's gf. It ridiculous how much I want to be like her it's insane. Please help me Jesus. Help me to just live as you created me. I'm so so tired of wanting to be someone else. Lord, help me to feel your love for exactly who I am. Not who I want to be.

life.

I'm uploading these pics for WGM today. I thought they were funny...err...fun.

Lord Jesus,

I'm getting really tired. I am not inspired by this project. I want to do well but I don't feel pressure to have to do it. God, thank you so much for letting me pray for sharon this morning. that was so nice. I really enjoyed it. Thank you! God also...chapel was amazing. i didn't realize how much cady had gone through...it was so good to hear her story. you are such a good God. Forgive me for getting on facebook. God...it's so hard..it sucks me in! Help me to stand strong. I really need your help. I want to be able to get past that. I end up envying so much when I am on it. I want to trust in you for all of my needs.


God I'm so tiredddddd...


I give this to you. Please help me not to feel so taf. I want to beat this!

thoughts...

Lord, I don't know....I just don't know what I'm thinking, doing acting. Please help me. I'm so utterly confused...it's pretty much ridiculous. Please help me to understand and to communicate. I feel so tired and I don't know ...I want to give up on my job and I'm not feeling motivated. Please Lord. I want to stand for you. Maybe I should take a week off facebook....that would probably be really really good for me. Lord I don't know if I can. If you help me....please God. I trust in you. I will not be afraid. Thank you for always being here for me. I want to trust you with everything. I just lay down. I surrender. All of this stuff with kcuhc and talking again..ugh. Alot of things are really emotionally confusing for me. I want to just let go. Refresh me Lord Jesus. What REALLY matters in this life? Doing all this work that ends up to nothing?!?!? No. You are my strength and my life. You are the one that I put my hope into. You are the only hope that i possess on this earth. You will supply, you will strengthen me. I cannot do this on my own. I will trust you. Lord thank you that you have never failed me before and you never will. I want to trust you to help me with eating too. I will trust. I will trust. I will trust in you. Thank you that when everything else fails...you do not. I will trust in you! I love you my dear Jesus, I love you. =) Thank you for your truth. Lord help me to see through the lies and diallusions that try to distract me. I cannot live without you. I love you. Bless this night tonight. Bless steph and her bible study. Help me to be concerned for others rather than me. This temple is not my own. It's yours. Take it.

TAKEN TOGETHER, GOD'S WORD COMMANDS ME TO PRAY THE WORD A LOT EVERY DAY

Bible Texts

Pray without ceasing. (1 Thessalonians 5:17)

My son, give attention to my words; Incline your ears to my sayings. Do not let them depart from your eyes; Keep them in the midst of your heart. For they are life to those who find them, and health to all their flesh. Proverbs 4:20-22

Prayers

Lord, help me to pray without ceasing without letting your Word depart from my eyes. (Proverbs 4:21)

Lord, let me keep speaking the Word and speaking faith in my prayers, no matter what the circumstances.

Lord, work in me to keep me praying with my heart and mind full of the Word. (Colossians 3:16)

Lord, work in me real joy at all times so I truly rejoice always. (1 Thessalonians 5:16)

Lord, bring me to the place where the Word doesn't depart from my mouth. Let me meditate on it day and night, that I may observe to do what it says, and prosper in all my ways, having good success. (Joshua 1:8)

Lord God, you are at work in me both to will and to do your good pleasure. You told me to rejoice always and to pray without ceasing, giving thanks in everything. Give me the desire and the power to pray without ceasing in faith, never ceasing to joyfully give thanks to you. Fill me with your love, and cause me to rejoice always in the truth of your Word. (Philippians 2:13 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18; Corinthians 13:6)

Lord Jesus, I need to abide in you. Dear Holy Spirit, teach me to abide in Jesus. Lord, my desire is that Your Word will abide in me. Lord, I will delight myself in your statutes; I will not forget your Word. I will never forget Your commandment to love my brethren as You have loved me. Lord, make me walk in the path of Your commandments, for I delight in it. You are my portion, O LORD. I have said that I would keep Your Words. Lord, cause your Word to abide in me. Cause it to consume my heart. Then I will overcome the wicked one, and I will ask what I desire with thanksgiving and joy, and it will be done for me. I know You will answer. And you will be glorified by this Lord, because I shall bear much fruit in every way. (John 15:4,7,8; Psalm 119:16,35,57; 1 John 2:14 Philppians 4:6-7)

Jesus told me to abide in Him so that His joy may be in me and that my joy may be full. Jn 15.11

My sorrow will be turned into joy. Jn 16.20

Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning. Ps 30.5

My heart will rejoice, and my joy no one will take from me. Jn 16.22

I ask and I shall receive, that my joy may be full. Jn 16.24

For Yah, the LORD, is my strength and my song; he also has become my salvation. Therefore with joy I will draw water from the wells of salvation. The joy of the Lord is my strength. Therefore God is my joy and my strength. Is 12.2 12.3 Neh 8.10

God is my exceeding joy! Ps 43.4

I rejoice in the LORD always! Php 4.4

God will show me the path of life. In His presence is fullness of joy, and at His right hand are pleasures for evermore. Ps 16.11

God gives me the oil of joy for mourning, and the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness! This is God's gift and God's will! Is 61.3

God's Word is to me the joy and the rejoicing of my heart! Jer 15.16

Jesus wants His joy to be fulfilled in me! Jn 17.13

The God of hope fills me with all joy and peace in believing, that I may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Rom 15.13

The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, ... The Spirit of God is in me to produce His fruit. Gal 5.22

I count it all joy when I fall into various trials. Jas 1.2

When people revile and persecute me and say all kinds of evil against you falsely for Christ's sake, I rejoice and am exceedingly glad, for great is my reward in heaven, for so they treated the prophets who were before me. Mt 5.12

I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth. 3Jo 1.4

I seek the Lord and my heart rejoices! 1Chr 16.10

I love righteousness and hate wickedness; Therefore God, my God, has anointed me with the oil of gladness more than my companions. Ps 45.7

I liked this poem...

hese thoughts have lingered,
For quite sometime.
When the seasons change and flow,
Soon it will become a vague design,
And it's time to let them go.
To be what they were meant to,
To be what they were called to,
When letting go of it hurts us the most,
Sometimes its the best thing to do.
Life gets entagled with ourselves,
When we let it grow too far.
I'm afraid this time,
We'll have to give it all away again,
Let us begin from the start, once again.
We've come so very far, again.
Just let it be your freedom.


and this one...

I wanna live from the heart.
I wanna live without worrying what they think.
Eyes that wander away from this reality.
My mind is in a different place,
Living from a different world.
Sometimes I forget how to relate,
On the surface,
But you know in the deep,
You know when it hits you,
Deep down within you,
Can you feel it?
If you hear it,
Don't ignore it.
It will not let you go until you give it attention.
It won't stop crying,
It won't stop.

and this one...

The world is chained.
Together we are,
Not what we've expected.
Still we've gotten this far,
And yet, for what?
A mere image of ourselves.
We strive for perfection,
Because we're imperfect.
We want something we don't have,
What we see, or what we feel.
And if there was no such thing as perfect..
What would become of our world?
The things made out to be great,
Would become surprisingly small.
And all of our reality,
Would show to be false.

The heart is but a whisper,
A glance of the truth.
Dimly we see it now,
Until the end of time.
Eternity will shine,
And we'll see darkness brought to light,
Until the end time,
We wait for Him to come.
Take us home.
Take us home...

it is from warriorprincess4God's xanga.

vent

Lord!!!

Ahh...help me. I'm freaking out. noj's gf is so pretty, SKINNY. but she has so many of the same interests that I do. Like an intimate relationship with you and deep thinking and poetry. Lord Jesus. Why didn't I measure up to him? Why does he like this girl so much. Lord jesus, i feel SO incredibly fat right now. I ate the ENTIRE container of hummus last night and I feel like a cow. I can nver measrure up. Why do no guys like me? I'm feeling lonely and not validated. Lord thank you that I am your creation and there is no one like me. You have surely made me unique. Thank you that you have everything under control. Lord I feel like chowing down on some comfort food like icecream but I know that it would make me feel worse. She's 5 8 which is taller than me! ahh Jesus why

Lord,

Bless Cait today. Help her to see herself through your eyes of love. Help her to feel accepted and that her life IS exciting. Lord open her eyes. Lord thank you so much that she was born 21 years ago. I'm so grateful for her. She is exuberant about life. Caring, deeply honest and vulnerable. She thinks so much of others...so incredible. She gets mad but she gets over it. Life is okay to be messy with her. She is open and tells her opinion. She is so kind and empathizes with others. She is involved in other's lives and is a delight to me

Well I'm here at WGM. Interning. editting PDFs while thinking a million and one thoughts. Lord, I hate fighting with Carita and I hate that I don't feel valued or loved when I'm around her. Lord, teach me to love her. To love those who love me isn't that hard but to love someone who is getting on my last nerve, telling me what to do and pouting in self pity. Ugh. Lord, I know that I am guilty of the same sins. And you forgave me. Please help me to forgive carita for the 490th time! 70x7. Jesus help me to encourage her and to lift her up even if she is putting me down. I love you Lord. teach me healthy boundaries. I want to do all of this for you Jesus. Jesus you are the reason that I want to act Godly. I can't do it on my own it's too freakin hard. I neeeeed you. Lord thank you for loving me. I can' t live without you. Thank you for bestowing your grace. Lord, fill me with your peace--- your complete-ness. I can't just empty out all of the nasty stuff, I need to fill it with your love. I want to love others! I want to be there for them and to encourage them and to love them in a way that they understand. Lord, thank you for my dad. I really appreciate him. And Ryan. I feel okay to be who I am around them. They don't judge me. I'm so thankful. Lord help me to be like that too. To give others the benefit of the doubt and to give without a stingy heart. Lord help me to see myself as beloved in your eyes. I long to have someone love me. You do. Jesus Jesus, I surrender, Lord I give all of me. All my nasty motives and unforgiving heart, anger, judgment and envy. Please take it. Wash me clean. Thank you Lord. I want to rest in your care for me. Your provision for this day.

thoughts that are alive.

Well it's 3 more days. 3 more days til I'm be back at IWU.

Wow, this summer has been a whirlwind. I feel like I've learned so much. I'm being wooed back to my Creator. I'm really digging the band "Ellery" right now. It's been playing in and out of my mind for the past 2 days. My back has also been hurting for the past two days. It makes it hard to sit and walk when it hurts so much. I feel like I'm dealing with SO many issues. I don't know how to handle all the addictions and it feels worse because I'm actually AWARE of them now. I desperately crave people's approvals, food (not for the taste but the numbing), and facebook/ envy. I really am jealous of everyone else and their personalities because I'm not secure in who I've been made to be. and then when I am...it's like I'm prideful. I'm so competitive..hah. It's so hard for me to grasp how big God is and how much he loves. LOVES. Ahh. intense heartbreak. I know what that feels like, when you put yourself completely out there and vulnerable and then your heart is stomped on by people who don't give a d***. I guess I know what God feels. sorta. Only His is my pain multiplied by a BILLION. But...I don't want to give God my love because of guilt over His feelings. I want to truly love. TO love with all that I am. To not expect things in return for my love. He's always provided. For school, for interning, money, people, my first break-up. and He's made it beautiful and for a purpose...a reason. I'm so in awe of this HUGE God who loves me. Me. I know that it's not all about me but so often I'm caught in this Lie. and the more I try to break free the more guilty I feel about failing....and then it slips into people pleasing as a alternative to self. Oh Jesus. Teach me to hunger after you. To trust you with every fiber of my being that was knit together with your divine hand. I thank you for your beautiful design. I'm done believing this lie that I'm ugly and fat and that I hate myself. NO! No more. I will not. YOU are strong in me, Lord. Help these lies to stop penetrating the core of who I am because I'm going forward and not going back to those lies. I AM YOURS. You created me. Me. A divinely created being. BEING. I'm being. Doing things can't define me. I can't live without you..you are my lover and my best friend, Jesus. Use me! Show yourself in me. Help me to stop being so concerned with MY image and how people perceive ME. Let them see you. May you become greater and I become less. Greater Lord. Greater. I long to love you purely. To let my desires become one with yours. Oh Jesus, refresh this greasy grimey soul with your light...pure and cleansing. Oh Lord, I am nothing but yours.

I am yours.

love.

i love..

i love jesus.

He loved me first.

Poema.

LET US NOT BE WEARY IN WELL DOING: FOR IN DUE SEASON WE SHALL REAP, IF WE FAINT NOT.

_GALATIONS 6.9_



Thoughts spilling out....
on the pages of life.

Digging
_
_ deeper >>> I just want to be THERE!

enjoying the journey is a lesson for me

each day is a droplet

of LIFE

into a pool of ABUNDANT living.
Help me to live.
to give.

for the only way to be filled,
is to be emptied.
And the only way to live,
is to die.

Dying to the world with it's sugar-crusted fancies....is such a struggle for me.



carnality has gripped me.
let go...LET GO.

I want to trust again.
to dive deeply into the abundant life.

where life has purpose below teh shallow waters of superficiality.

Find me.

Find me.

Find me.


my soul cries.

but yet only YOU can satisfy my searching soul.

This heart's cry of hunger.

desperation.

hunger that knaws and aches, but I choose to ignore it...while I feed on the sugar-crusted superficiality.




Temporary relief yet...

there IS something more, right?

Love is REAL.

I will not stop...you keep me going somehow.

We will be together.

hurt will fade...and everything will be okay.

vent.

God!!!!!! HELP ME. I'm so tired of myself and how I keep screwing up. I want to love myself but I don't. I hate me! God, why am I so fat? Why am I stuck here on facebook when I could be spending time with you. Why do I envy the girls who are flirty and get attention and are skinny? I'm so tired of this. I want to just stick to eating healthy yet.....I feel like I can't. I got to do almost everything on my list today yet I am not satisfied. It's just not enough. I want to be loved. I want to make a difference. I feel so trapped in myself. Help me Jesus for you know that I can't do this by myself. I just sent the website to Mark and he said it's great but he wants another one...totally different. AHH!!! Does he know that it took up my evening and it takes time!!! Arg. Jesus, help me to love people and to give them grace. My head hurts and I want to have somebody to love. I want to be loved. I want to be beautiful. Why isn't the tanning, eating and running working?? I think it's bc I eat too much and gorge myself. I feel so shameful. I want to be happy on the inside like I am on the outside. You made me. Help me to see past all these lies. They are haunting me. I feel so hurt. GOD help me. I'm going to go to sleep now.

skinned knees and broken words

Life. Hmm...I'm so thankful. thoughts are whizzing through my brain as I think about my life so far. Or is it really my life...no it's not. It's breath and life given/ on loan/ borrowed from my Creator. Oh how I love Him. I long to know Him more. But so many things seem to break my attention away. Life is at such an exciting and uncertain time...How I wish I knew what was going to happen. When I'm going to meet my husband...is love real? It seems like love can be such a let down. I don't think I want to fully embrace it because I don't want to risk rejection. It's so nice though..I'm just beginning to realize how Jesus loves me...no matter what. NO matter if I perform or how beautiful or not.....wow. I'm so inadequate yet He has chosen me. Wow. I don't know how i can believe it, yet I want to. I'm beginning to realize that I'm not really fat. wow. That's the first time I think I've ever written that. Ryan told me the other night that "You aren't even beginning to be fat." those words were so healing for me to hear. I read in my journal tonight an entry from 2003....4 years ago...and I'm complaining about being 133lbs and feeling fat. hah..that's my goal weight now...and I thought I'd be happy if I reached that point. I'm at 145ish now and I thought I'd be happy if I was less. I'm starting to realize that I'm never going to be "happy?" with a certain weight. I have to choose to be content with who God made me to be...because that never fluctuates and His love for me never changes. He made me with a specific shape for a reason. That's so hard for me to believe...but thank you Jesus. I just recently added my friends from soccer (Kolping) and they all look relatively the same from when we were in gradeschool. The skinny ones are still skinnier and the bigger ones are still bigger but they are all beautiful because I don't just see faces but I see the little girls who grew up and their "story"...who they are. and they are all so beautiful. That must be how God sees me. I'm not just a size or a number but an intimate love story that began with my birth...He is such a committed Husband and Father. I'm so in awe with how He loved me even before I was born. How He spent days..even years before eternity began thinking of how many hairs I would have on my head and how He couldn't wait for the first day that I told Him that I loved Him. It makes me want to cry. How can He love me so much?!? I am so fickle. I can be so up and down in my emotions toward Him and yet He still consistently picks me up and scrapes on the caked dirt off my grass stained jeans and wipes my bloody cut with His healing hand. Oh how I love Him! He loved me first....Oh Jesus....teach me to love.